Thank you Mr. Kinnick

There is a place where all of us long to go when we're feeling lost or in need of that familiar homey comfort that seems to leave a gaping hole with its absence. ... Miranda Lambert sings about it in "The House That Built Me," I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing. John Denver sings, Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong... Eddie Money sings, Take Me Home Tonight...Ok, maybe that's not relevant, but you get the picture, there's a lot of songs out there about the longing to go home. (You can thank me for not including the Eddie Money music video... I really wanted too because the song is obviously awesome and I adore low budget 80s videos, but the video is so pathetically disappointing that its an insult to the song itself. Such expectation... such disappointment.)

There was a time in my life that I felt this comfort. The place where I once found serenity, security, and felt so surely that I belonged. The place where I spent that awkward late teens to early 20s where you grow from a child into an adult and learn all on your own the responsibilities of finances, friendships, work, relationships, education, etc. (P.S. No one can ever say for sure if I actually ever fully became a real adult even with these responsibilities.) A place where, for the first time, your decisions are your own and the consequences are yours to deal with. Some of the scariest and some of the absolute best times of your life... A place where you became the person you are... A place where dressing for the day was throwing on a pair of sweatpants and your favorite hooded sweatshirt, where you were praised for being creative and being yourself, where you only had enough money to buy eggs and coffee for groceries but it didn't bother you because money wasn't important, where good friends were plentiful, where classic rock never got old and Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" was your theme to live by, and where the magnificence of being a Hawkeye and walking into Kinnick Stadium on game day was comparable to being there as an Israelite when Moses parted the Red Sea.

This place for me is Iowa City.

I came for the day, just to visit my old refuge, like a boat to the harbor after years of being lost at sea. Some people, when they are feeling a bit lost or directionless, turn to the hometown they were raised in for comfort, good ol'Greenfield, Iowa, I love ya!... But Iowa City is where I really did my growing up.

I sit cross-legged on the ground at the entrance of empty Kinnick Stadium to marvel at the majestic statue of the great Nile Kinnick who stands as if a king proudly representing his empire. - For those who don't know (shame on you), Nile Kinnick attended the University of Iowa, won the 1939 Heisman Trophy, and was a consensus All-American, then died a few short years later while serving his country in World War II. Kinnick, born and raised in the small town of Adel, Iowa, was a gentleman, a man of faith and courage, and an iconic legend not only as an athlete but as a man. There are few greater representations of an American hero. After Kinnick's Heisman acceptance speech, Bill Cunningham of the Boston Post wrote, "This country's okay as long as it produces Nile Kinnicks. The football part is incidental."

It's huge bronze majesty staring down at me as I sit, so small, in its righteous glory and stare at the reflection of myself in the engraved shiny granite that holds the great man's captured memory several feet off the ground.

"...give me the courage and ability to so conduct myself in every situation that my country, my family and my friends will be proud of me."
 Nile Kinnick, Jr. 
Excerpted from an entry in his personal diary
December 3, 1941

I looked through the words at the mirrored reflection of myself sitting there, kind of pitiful, as if a baby kitten looking up at a lion. But, I wasn't really thinking about anything except how freaking awesome this place was, forgetting the real reason I had longed to go back to Iowa City in the first place and maybe find something that I had lost.

A place, that for a awhile in my life, I actually felt I belonged. Then I look around and see a not so familiar look on the buildings and streets. Some places that I knew and loved were gone, replaced by something different that I no longer recognized. The people that I, at one time, so much related with now looked like children, staring at me thinking, "What is that crazy lady doing here, sitting on the ground in front of an empty stadium like a weirdo." 

In a second, it's years later. And in my reflection of the stone, I see someone different. The me that once lived there would've never taken the time to sit and appreciate a moment like this. She would've looked at me and wondered "What is that crazy lady doing here, sitting on the ground in front of an empty stadium like a weirdo."  That's when I realized the town hadn't changed all that much, but maybe I had.

Then, ironically, a van full of, what I assumed to be by their look and wear, visiting recruits and coaches, pulled up where there was no road and stopped the short distance directly between me and the statue. Their choice of words I found interesting. "We're lost, how do you get out of here?" The question indicated that I not only didn't look lost, but looked as though I maybe belonged. But, my choice of words equally as honest, "I don't know." Then, without thinking, I see myself pointing in the direction I came from... They thank me and drive away and I realize I had just answered the question that brought me here... I look up at the statue and smile.

Touché Mr. Kinnick... Thank you.

Engraved on the back of the Nile Kinnick statue.

The Vine Tavern and Eatery

I love taking a walk down Summit Street in the historic district.

Entrance at Kinnick Stadium

Super hot wings and spicy garlic wings at The Vine.

Took after I ate the super hot wings so I could remember how happy I was when I wasn't feeling so happy about them the next day...

The Vine

Corn growing in front of Kinnick

Lost in Translation

Before I'm even able to write about the incredible experiences of my trip to Africa, I find myself stuck in a rut of "now what?" What do I do with what I've seen and experienced now that I'm back? What do I do about anything and everything now that I'm back?

Bare with me, as I will, of course, and am excited to share the experiences of my trip. But, momentarily, I find myself lost in a reality that no longer seems real... Its hard to explain, but I feel as if I saw there, more of a reality that I've ever witnessed in my life... much more than our People Magazine gossiping, beer drinking, American Idol watching, Pinterest pinning, videos of cute kittens sharing, political ranting, sports obsessed, have the most, look the best, don't do anything out of the norm to draw attention to yourself, and everything that happens is about me, me, me, selfish and naive culture that has consumed our country. (Not to say that I'm not guilty of every single one of these things).  But its easy to see and feel that we've somewhere lost a sense of what is really real...

In Africa, things were/are real. A real need, people just surviving day to day, real hunger, need of shelter, the commonality of death, the struggle for life, the lack of money and jobs, or clean water, but in spite of that a beautiful sense of gratefulness, smiles so sincere they they bring tears to your eyes, children that heartbreakingly cling to you just longing to feel any shred of love, an unconditional welcomeness from the villagers of hugs, laughter, and celebration that even your family wouldn't be able to express if you were found after missing for a year. A night sky that nearly brought me to my knees in absolute astonishment that anything seen with my merely human eyes could ever be so overwhelmingly beautiful. And a sense of God so powerful that you could feel it even in something as insignificant as the wind blowing through the long wheat colored grass on a cool dry morning.



So the reality that I return to, that once seemed so important, no longer seems real at all in comparison. And along with it comes a sense of despair and loneliness that I hadn't experienced in a long time. I receive a phone call from my brother when I arrive in Atlanta that all hell has broken loose in my absence and that my father was looking again at prison time, luckily the situation had resolved in a much less form of sanction, and all without me needing to get thrown into the middle of the drama which is what usually would happen, so I was grateful not to be a part of it.

With that weighing on my mind, along with the exhaustion of traveling and the trip itself, I arrive in Des Moines, my home base, not nearly as excited to be back as my teammates who's families were waiting with open arms at the arrival of their loved ones coming home. I, in turn, know that no one will be there waiting for me. Which was fine, until the weight of coming from such an uplifting trip of gratefulness and servitude, back to, well, nothing really, finally set in... And left me wondering if I'll ever have someone in my life to share such experiences with and who longs for me to come back from afar. Thus making me feel even more despair for the past relationship mistakes I'd made, that constantly weigh on my heart,... (I cringe to even confess such vulnerability and display of weakness but honesty is unfortunately one of the burdens that comes with writing.)

The trip, along with its most amazing experiences, was very emotionally, physically, and most of all mentally draining. Not to mention the jet lag and time difference of 7 hours and trying to cope with all I'd learned. Much time has been spent sleeping since my return and an awesome trick I picked up is that lately I can start crying at the drop of a hat about nothing... :/...still hoping its just from the exhaustion.

Friends and family talk to me about conflicts and what's happened since I've been gone. "Can you believe she did that?" "What should I do about what they said?" "I can't believe people's nerve to do something like this!"... I try to listen but my mind seems to wander off questioning if any of it really even matters when people are out there with real problems, just trying to survive day to day, wondering where their next meal will come from or if they have a place to sleep that night, and still in all of that being grateful...

P.S. By no means, am I trying to be one of those people who are like "I went to Africa for two weeks and now I know everything there is to know about the world and you know nothing!" or "Your problems aren't problems, try living in Africa!" or "Oh, what did you say was bothering you? That person who cut you off this morning? Well, I saw a dead man lying in the middle of the road in Africa, hit by a car, his body lying there for 40 minutes before anyone came or bothered to cover his face! Sorry about getting cut off, you must be devastated!!" or "You went to a lake and got wasted this summer... that's cool... Oh me, I went to Africa, fed hungry children, gave people glasses who couldn't see, you know, stuff like that..." ;) Ok, this is the one time I get to use that last one...But we obviously take so much for granted in America that its almost sickening. Even me moping about no family or friends able to make it to roll out the red carpet for me at the airport at 10:30am on a Wednesday! Get over it Wendi!! At least I have a family and friends! And, a lot of people in this world, probably most, will never even get to see an airport let alone be able to afford to travel somewhere!

I do miss Africa, though! The friends I met, the culture, the African people, the children, the hopefulness, the open grasslands, the amazing wildlife, the gray mountains against the bright blue sky, the beautiful nights, and the overall sense that its ok to just be yourself, and that, that self, was there to give and serve. It was constantly a good feeling and the most amazing thing I've ever been able to experience in my life! And I'm hoping that it'll be something I'm able to show in future posts. One thing I can see now is that this trip, was not about "me, me, me," but it was about Africa, and about God.

I explained it once that its as if you are a puzzle piece taken out of your puzzle and, while away, your piece has been transformed in such a way that when you come back and return to the puzzle, your piece no longer fits... but in a good way...

Children leaving Sunday school on donkey cart

Shacks in Soweto

Boys at the orphanage in Mookgophong

 

Optical consultation and fitting for glasses

The Layover

Airports, the purgatory of the travel world. The waiting place between what awaits. Let's just agree that they're probably the least appealing part of a trip.

I think my most vivid first memory of an airport experience, isn't when I went to California on a trip to Disney World as a child, or when my brother and I flew on our own at age 9 back from visiting family in Oregon through some of the worst turbulence I've ever experienced. My most vivid first memory is a scene that forever replays in my mind when I think of flying. Its of the completely panicked McCallister's, frantically running through the airport, late for their flight to Christmas vacation in Paris. Meanwhile, never noticing that their son, Kevin, is missing from the group. Leave it to "Home Alone" to make a bigger impact on my life than my own childhood memories... (can't help it, I love Christmas movies.)

Maybe airports have gotten a bad rap... So I decided to try and make the most of my experience during my 10 hour layover at Atlanta International before I boarded a 17 hour flight to South Africa. (yes, you heard all of that right...)

First off, a much, MUCH, needed massage that I'd been dying to get since I exhausted my back tearing shingles off a steep roof 2 weeks ago, then driving for hours to another state, jet skiing, swimming, lack of sleep,... you get the picture... I needed a massage before this long flight... And thanks to Phillip's magic hands at Xpress Spa (and not the Indian man at information desk who offered to give "pretty lady free massage" when I asked where I could get one) I felt like a new person!

Lunch was great!! Not sure if I was starving or if this salad was the best thing I've ever eaten, or if I was just happy to be in a little quiet bookstore (looove bookstores, btw), or if it was the really strong coffee... Probably all of thee above.

After lunch I wandered around the airport like a redneck at Walmart for the next few hours... P.S. Atlanta International is HUGE but easy to navigate. It's like a bunch of normal sized airports (by normal, I mean much bigger than Des Moines International) all connected together.

I was really excited when I exchanged my U.S. Dollars for Rand! Not only did I get 7.2 times as much back and felt super rich, but it was so cool looking that I didn't even want to spend it!

 

Damn you Panda Express!! You got me!! No one would ever eat you if it wasn't for food courts!!!

So then came the waiting game. I had somehow managed to occupy myself for the first 7 hours, but by the last 3, I just wanted to get the hell on my way... Luckily, those hours were occupied some by meeting up with my mission team and doing lots of people-watching. Before WAY too long, it was time to leave the country I call home and spend the next couple weeks in a completely foreign land that would forever change my view on life.

¡Buenos Dias! Let's Get to Packing Already!

Three days before I leave for Africa, I decide to go out of town (road trip out of state actually) to celebrate the 4th of July by boating with some my best friends! I know, great idea, right!? That's what I was thinking! Why not go on a mini vacation for 2 days before I'm prepared to leave for my trip to Africa in 3 days!?

But if you know me, you know that's just how I roll,...spontaneously. So, today was spent running around town getting everything ready so that I will be ready for my mission trip when I get back from my vacation (I know, life is rough, don't judge... and I'm kind of crazy, you can judge that part a little)...

Primero lo primero, empecé el día con un delicioso tortilla Mexicana para comenzar las cosas ¡Vale! (I don't speak Spanish and kind of doubt the free English to Spanish Translation did it justice so in Inglés it translates: First things first, I started the day with a yummy Mexican omelet to begin things right!)

 My "¡Buenos Dias!" omelet included mushrooms, green peppers, onions, tomatoes, jalapenos, fresh cilantro, salt and pepper, 2 eggs, and sour cream and salsa... cheese obviously would be good too, but I was attempting to be healthy... come on, I've got a big day ahead of me!

After breakfast, I made a list (actually I read for awhile outside, it was beautiful out!) then I made a list and spent the rest of the morning running errands all around town getting everything that I needed for the trip, which was very exhausting and not to mention, a little unorganized...imagine that!?

When I got home, Dolly was dying for some quality time with her mama, and I was busy putting off packing so it worked out for us both.
She got brushed, a manicure, and her ears cleaned... she was obviously pretty satisfied!

Which unfortunately for me meant that it was time to get packing...

Ok, well not right away... there may've been a nap involved for a bit... Like I said, running around and trying to be organized is exhausting! Luckily, I don't have a picture of this part. All I can say is that there was a puddle of drool (which I realized when I woke up in it, always fun...) combined with an awesome dream I had of me and friends dancing around in my room to Backstreet Boys which could be interpreted as my subconscious trying to motivate me to pack.

P.S. Why is packing sooo appalling!?! You'd think you'd just want to do it, get organized, and get it over with!

Me packing consists of me doing everything I can think of while in between packing so that I don't have to be packing which obviously drags it out into taking hours longer than it should, then me getting frustrated and throwing the entire contents of my closet into a suitcase and then forgetting something stupid like underwear... which makes the anxiety of packing 100 times more of an awful experience than just doing it!

After putting it off long enough, I finally dug in, and I think my essentials are covered for now! - And don't worry, the suitcase on top (my carry-on) isn't packed yet. The bottom one is stuffed full of clothes (including underwear), and since in July, it's winter in South Africa, that doesn't help me to pack light when I'm going to be there for 2 weeks...not gonna lie though, I did bring nearly my whole closet. I have this undying fear of getting somewhere and thinking "I really wish I would've packed that." Luckily, that's not a problem I should run into on this trip!

Snacks, toiletries, meds, hand sanitizers, facial cleansing wipes (for the 17 hour flight), some activities to do with the kids - face painting, tattoos, and stickers - vitamins, ipod (for the 17 hour flight), oh, and my journal and running shoes of course... Did I mention it's a 17 hour flight?

 For me, I think I did pretty good for one day of packing. I'm not done yet obviously but the rest will have to wait since I decided that one of my distractions from packing would be to blog about packing and now my night is looking a lot more like this:

Yeah... this can definitely wait to be put off tomorrow.... :)

So I'm Going to Africa!

For a couple of years, I'm felt a longing to do some mission work in Africa... Not sure where a desire like this even takes seed considering I've never done mission work before and the only international experience I've had was a vacation to the Riviera Maya, Mexico... but the longing has constantly been there like a splinter in the back of my mind, slowly working its way to the surface until one day it was gnawing at me again and I finally decided to look into.

That's when, 1. I found out that I hadn't been going to church enough because they were planning a mission trip to South Africa in just a month and a half, and 2. that I was in a perfect position in my life - career, family, and goal wise (fickle, single, and arbitrary at the moment) - where the timing would work perfectly for me to go!

Then, before I got really excited I stopped to look at the reality of the situation. I figured that there was no way I could sign up this late since they were already signing people up for the next mission trip that was 4 months away, let alone be able to raise the thousands of dollars it would take in such a short amount of time, and not to mention I had misplaced my passport. But the splinter had worked itself out enough to cause an aching need for me to make the phone call and ask. Long story short, within a day I had committed myself to going on a mission trip to South Africa that was only 8 weeks away!!

One thing I noticed right away, wasn't what you think would be a sense of urgency to frantically get on the passport and money raising issue, but it was an overwhelming sense peace. I knew that this was what I was supposed to be doing. Out of everything going wrong in my life, this finally felt so very right. All of the other problems, that I thought were problems, didn't seem to matter anymore. I knew and felt with all of my heart this was what I was supposed to do and that everything would work out perfectly so that I could do it. And it truly has. I leave in less than a week on an experience that is certain to be life changing.

There are a few goals in mind:

First of course, is to obviously save the world.

Second, is also obvious... to replace Simba in The Lion King.

 

Another goal is to discover the true meaning of the song/video "Africa" that has been a mystery to all of humankind since Toto released it in 1982...

But in all seriousness, I feel so incredibly blessed and grateful to have this amazing opportunity. The heartbreaking situation in South Africa with nearly 1000 children being orphaned every day because their parents die from AIDS is disastrous and devastating on an epic scale. The team that I'm part of from Lutheran Church of Hope and Blessman Ministries in Des Moines, IA, will be working to provide optical care and glasses for children, building dormitories, and working in feeding centers for orphans, preparing and serving meals provided by Meals from the Heartland.

The true goal is to serve God and do everything possible to help these children see and feel that they are loved and cared for. Again, I feel so very excited, grateful, and blessed to have such an amazing opportunity to be part of this wonderful mission!! ..and maybe, just maybe, I'll get to ride an elephant :)

St. Louis, Baseball, and a Seminar: A Weekend Getaway with Mom

If my mother and I didn't share some kind of genetic strand, the differences between us would make one question how we knew each other.

Her: Loud, spunky, dramatic, makeup and hair always done, jewelery galore, always dressed flashy, loves anything that sparkles, loves shopping, has childlike faith in everything and everyone, can quote the bible word for word (or at least in a sense of proving her point), and is completely oblivious to what anyone else is doing or thinking...

Me: Laid back, calm and collected for the most part, hair in a ponytail, little makeup, can't remember the last time I wore jewelery, loves sweatpants and flip flops, despises shopping, would rather spend my money on a beer and heaping pile of nachos at a baseball game, and tries to find humor rather than be embarrassed by other people's reaction to my mother's obliviousness and disregard for personal space. (Ex. In an elevator with plenty of room, she will stand 4 inches from someone, facing and staring at them, with no regard to anything other than she's just looking at them...)

Despite our differences, we planned a weekend trip to St. Louis to attend a workshop/seminar taught by one of our favorite author's Marianne Williamson.

After a 6 hour drive of singing very loudly to Conway Twitty, Randy Travis, and Dwight Yoakam's Greatest Hits, we arrived in good old St. Loui! And Thank God for the GPS navigational system in my mother's KIA Sorento, we checked into the beautiful Crowne Plaza Hotel, that I got a great deal on through priceline.com.

First on the agenda was baseball! I have always wanted to see the Cardinals' stadium and I found some cheap tickets on stubhub so we could catch a game while in the area. Luckily, the metrolink was only a few blocks from our hotel, so we were able to catch a quick and easy train ride to the game.

 Second on the agenda was food! Yes, those are a heaping pile of glorious fatty nachos from a build your own nachos station in the stadium. Half St. Louis pulled pork and half ground beef... the picture says it all.



I was very satisfied with my nachos, cold beer, beautiful view of the city, experience of the truly magnificent stadium (that doesn't hold a bad seat),  and well, who doesn't love a baseball? :)

Third, and foremost, on the agenda was the workshop/seminar.
Mom and I in University City, on the the campus of Washington University in St. Louis before the seminar.

Meeting and getting our books signed by one of the most inspirational and admirable women I've ever met, Marianne Williamson (obviously not the best picture of her).

The seminar was absolutely amazing, intensely spiritual, and inspiring. The baseball game was a lot of fun, and the hotel was beautiful with an indoor/outdoor conjoined pool that we definitely took advantage of.

But I think the best part is that for the most part, my mom and I actually got along really well, even with some unstable amounts of estrogen in the atmosphere. Despite some frustration with her not understanding why we couldn't stop through Tennessee really quick on our way back to Iowa, (please look at a map if you don't know why) a map and directions are just a concept that my mom has never quite been able to get a grasp of, even when I tried to explain to her several times that Tennessee was hours in the wrong direction of our way back...

Luckily, Dwight Yoakam's greatest hits were playing to help us get through the discussion and help her forget about "stopping through Tennessee really quick" as she drifted to sleep while I drove us home from the great weekend getaway to St. Louis.