A half empty bottle of wine, sweatpants and slippers, a blank computer screen, a sleepless mind, and the countdown to my 29th birthday in T-minus 2 hours. For some reason, but no reason in particular, I always seem to get a little down right before my birthday each year. I've heard of it referred to as the birthday blues. I suppose it is a bit of the feeling sorry for yourself kind of thing. (Forewarning, I'm 29 and I'm about to whine.) I mean it is your one day especially set aside to celebrate you. The birth of your life. The day of your first breath in this world. The anniversary of the day that every experience up until right now has unfolded and made you the person you are. Is that worth celebrating? Is that something other people should be excited about? In my case, I feel that it is! But do they? I think once after acknowledging and letting go of the 'feeling sorry for myself' factor such as (with a pouty, whiny voice) "Gosh, I hope people remember my birthday because if they don't that means no one cares, so boohoo." Luckily I learned a long time ago that if I want to have a special birthday, then I have to make it special, and if other people want to help, then that is just icing on the cake! I'm 29 and this is my time!
So now getting to the being 29 part... One official year away from turning 30. That's when I start thinking back. “What have I done with the last 29 years? How much time have I wasted? Why aren't I further along with my career or family? What do I want out of life?”
I told my best friend I was having the birthday blues and she said "You're 29, this is your prime!" Is it my prime? Man, I hope so! God only knows that the way to 29 was not my prime. Though I can gratefully say that I've learned a LOT during my journey, and mostly learning from mistakes. My mom always says "You spend the first 30 years learning how to live, and you spend the next 30 years unlearning what you learned the first 30 years." Well, I'm thinking that I learned the first 28 how I thought I should live and that ‘the next 30 unlearning’ is condensed down into the last year for me because I had a LOT of unlearning to learn, and I did! So in that case this is a new start! The beginning of the rest of my life, from scratch, a clean slate. Knowing what not to do and having an idea of what I think I want to do?
Or maybe I’m 29 and waiting for a sign? A sign of what I'm doing here and what I'm supposed to do with this life. 29 and feeling fine? I did run my first half marathon last summer, and plan to run it again this year so, yes, I feel good. 29 and looking fine. Well that goes without saying ;) I joke to my twin brother that 29 years ago on the 20th of January, God decided that he wanted to create perfection, and so he did. But then he had to figure out what to do with all of the imperfect leftovers, so a minute later, he was born.
I do think this will be a great year of my life. As I mentioned, I've screwed up a lot but learned a great deal from it. I’ve learned and grown more spiritually and emotionally in the past year, than I have in the rest of the years of my life combined. So I can honestly say I can only get better from here. So whether it's my time, my prime, a sign, or looking and feeling fine, or all, or none, or maybe just my obnoxious ability to rhyme...
I will say 29 is my year to shine! And could also safely say, I’m 29 and had half a bottle too much of wine...;) Regardless, its my year to shine!
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